Is There a Family In That House?

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 By Russell Turner

Published:
1-August-2006

At some point a little while ago someone wrote 'It Takes a Village to Raise a Child." Well, the village called, etc. etc. etc. Contrary to that particular point of view I think it takes a family to raise a child. It takes a village to pick up our trash, decide where to put "No Parking" signs, and plow the snow in the winter. Most villages are pretty fair at coming up with ordinances regarding dog poop. A village really doesn't have the time or inclination to raise a child.

This might turn into a series of articles about this subject. I have a big mouth. By that I mean I have a lot to say about some things. A tiny bit of which is actually worth listening to. I'll try to keep to that tiny bit. I really won't know until next month to see if I continue along this same line.

My daughters and I live in a house. It's a small house. It's only got room for one thing, our family. I've been in other houses that have families in them. Some bigger and some smaller; both houses and families. I've come to a couple of conclusions. A big one, and the one I'll speak to today, is we have more fun in our house than the average family.

I thought a lot about writing this down because I don't want to insult anyone. I also haven't been in all of your houses. Some of you might be real hoots and make my household look like a bunch of sour pusses. But I doubt it so I'll risk it.

When is an ideal time to do fun, creative activities with our children? When it's not raining and not too hot outside? When the phone isn't ringing? When nobody has low blood sugar, high blood sugar, or sore fingers? When we have a bunch of spare time and don't know what else to do?

As you can see the answer is never. It's not like we neglect to plan to have any fun, it's just that life can easily get in the way. Sometimes we make the mistake of only looking at large blocks of time to do special things and have fun with our kids. We plan two week vacations to Disney World, or cross country trips expecting to cram enough happiness and memories into our children to last the year. Our kids are going to have a good time if it kills them. Diabetes can also suck the fun out of any situation.

We do things a little differently. Special family vacations are fine but the relationship I have with my girls is built more on the many little things we share on a daily basis. Our rides to and from school with some of the silly landmarks we've named. My youngest Kristin is the girl of a million voices. Making up our own lyrics to popular songs, the list goes on and on. We spend the bulk of our time looking for the funny side of things.

The problem with my parenting skills is that by the time I really get the hang of it my girls will be grown and gone. I've decided since I'm going to make mistakes anyway that it's okay to make mistakes. It's okay as long as I'm willing to be honest with my girls. They live with me; they know I'm not perfect. That takes some of the pressure off having to be serious or wear that perfect parent mask.

I decided that in our house I would rather err on the side of being too open and honest with my girls, apologizing too much, laughing and having too much fun and concentrating on the relationship building. All this rather than being too serious, too sober, and too sad. My daughter has a chronic disease that if not treated properly everyday; will be deadly. We refuse to give in to that.

I want to enjoy being a parent while it's happening. I want my girls to enjoy being part of this family. I want all of this even with one daughter having type 1 diabetes and both girls approaching adolescence. I've decided if I'm going to crash and burn as a parent it's going to be spectacular! Is your home a fun place to live, or is it too often a tense place to live? Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously.

Don't be discouraged if laughter and fun don't exactly describe your home. Some of us find it easy to joke and laugh. Others of us have to work a little harder at it. In the coming issues I'll address some ways to add a little laughter to your home. Here's a quick one. Go through old picture albums with your kids. Especially if you have pictures of yourself from the 70's, everything from the clothes to the hairstyles was awful. It's always good for a laugh.